Item the first: attempts at retaining sanity are getting on rather marginally at present.

Item the second: I can now paraphrase from multiple abstinence-based sex education curricula. My head only hit the desk twice during the eight-hour class. Did you know that abstinence is a the only lifestyle choice that is acceptable for unmarried people? Or that having sex before marriage is bring about the downfall of American society? I want a t-shirt that says "I contributed to the downfall of American society."

Item the third: there are demon children in my house. They are sleeping over tonight. Woe.

Addendum: mom and I were playing the "help, I'm a prisoner of the chair" game with the cat, wherein he sits in the kitchen chair and plays with our hands through the slats in the back of it. The cat left while mom's back was turned, causing her to start playing with an empty chair. After cracking up over this, she then turned the chair around and pretended to be the cat. Just as I took a huge swallow of water.