Dear People of Earth,

Why me? I understand that I have no social skills, and that I have made many stupid romantic decisions in life that have resulted in agony, hilarity, and possibly even hijinx. But was all of this really deserving of the creepy magnet that seems to have been implanted somewhere on my person? Sure, it was my own decision to dye my hair red. I happen to know that many perfectly adorable, un-creepy geeks appreciate this hair color, and the "smart chick" image that various pop-culture phenomena have attached to it. Why do I get the creepy ones? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE NOT TELLING ME?
With warmest regards,
CJ