Why yes, I made the mistake of watching the news tonight. Why do you ask?

Dear "liberal" internet women,

The fact that Bill Clinton was the first president about whom you had erotic dreams really does not make him the best president ever. Also, TMI much?

With disgust,
CJ



Dear Senator Inhofe,

You are truly a bastion of compassionate conservatism. Because when you said:

"I'm probably not the only one up at this table that is more outraged by the outrage than we are by the treatment [of abused Iraqi detainees].... If they're in cell block 1A or 1B, these prisoners -- they're murderers, they're terrorists, they're insurgents. Many of them probably have American blood on their hands. And here we're so concerned about the treatment of those individuals.... I am also outraged that we have so many humanitarian do-gooders right now crawling all over these prisons looking for human rights violations while our troops, our heroes, are fighting and dying."

I'm sure you really didn't mean to prove my assertion that prisoner abuse is sanctioned at the highest levels of government. You just meant to express your outrage that our troops would be expected to follow the ules of the Geneva convention in the face of the completely unexpected lack of cooperation from Iraqi prisoners.

I understand completely. You overprivileged fuckwad.
CJ


Dear former Terry Pettis,

Thank you for doing your best to improve the public image of the North Side. Because nothing says thuggin' like an athlete on a college scholarship pulling a 3.7 GPA and STILL getting arrested for murder and robbery.

Go Henry High!
CJ


Dear Govenor Pawlenty,

Speaking of thugs, quit rooting for the goddamn death penalty. I know you're pleased as punch to have Dru Sjodin's alleged murderer tried on federal charges. I'm sure you would have been just as pleased if his last name hadn't been Rodriguez.

But really, we don't need a bloodthirsty, morally superior prig as the public image for the state.

Peace and love,
CJ