More fun with news

Jerry Falwell's Greatist Hits.

Fear my guard dolphins.

And the saddest news of the evening:
Dan Rather will not longer anchor the CBS news come March. In honor of this, I give you the "ratherisms" I collected during the election coverage (with the help of Jon, who compiled them as I spit them at him via Instant Messenger).

- ohio is, and I quote, "the biggun"
- "ohio is a sauna for both candidates -- all they can do is wait and sweat"
- "don't taunt the alligator untill after you've crossed the creek"
- "Play a verse of Johnny be good for john kerry in illinois tonight"
- "ding-dong battle in new hampshire"
- "this presidential race is hotter than the devil's anvil"
- "it won't mean a thing if they don't get those swings"
- bush is "sweeping through the midwest like a big combine"
- "never gamble against strangers, never bet against a republican in kansas"
- "in what may be a tachycardia-inducing race..."
- "the race is... it's comin' along like ray charles"
- "the democrats must absolutely, positively, tee-totally have that race"
- "that'll be whoopee news down in texas"
- "if john kerry doesn't carry Pennsylvania, it could be the equivalent of death valley for him"
- "If you believe that folks, you believe rocks can grow"
- "let's call a television time out for one second"


Thanks, Dan, for the laughs (and groans). It may not have been the best in news, but it sure was entertaining.