Saturday, August 09, 2003

I know the person who sent me this thought it was cute and funny and a Good Reminder of God's Love For His Children, but really, it's so stupid it's funny. I had to post it. It's like every self-help book ever made, put into a programming joke.


Love 2.0

Tech Support: Yes Ma'am, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready.
What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your heart.
Have you located your heart Ma'am?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running Ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have past-hurt, low self-esteem, grudge,
and resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase past-hurt
from your current operating system. It may remain in your
permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.
Love will eventually override low self-esteem with a module of
it's own called high self-esteem. However, you have to
completely turn off grudge and resentment. Those programs
prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those
off Ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until grudge
and forgiveness have completely erased.

Customer: Okay done, Love has started installing itself.
Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other hearts in order
to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already.
It says, "error-program not run on external components."
What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry Ma'am, It means the Love program is
set-up to run on internal hearts but has not yet been run on
your heart. In non-technical terms, it means you have to Love
yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Tech Support: Can you pull down self-acceptance; then click on
the following files: Forgive-self; Realize your worth;
Acknowledge your limitations.

Customer: OK, done.

Tech Support: Now copy them to the "My Heart" directory.
The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin
patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete verbose
self-criticism from all directories and empty your recycle bin
to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new
files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment
are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but
eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time.
So Love is installed and running.
One more thing before we hang-up.
Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and it's various modules
to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and
return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: I promise to do just that.
By the way, what's your name?

Tech Support: Just call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known
as the Great Physician, or just "I AM." Most people feel all
they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy; but the
manufacturer (ME) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for
maximum Love efficiency. KEEP IN TOUCH!

~Author Unknown~


I couldn't get blogger to change the text color, so stars indicate the parts of this post for which I take NO BLAME.


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