Friday, September 10, 2004


I'm kind of scattered when it comes to beliefs about the Ways the World Works. I tend to grab a bit from various religions and philosophies one day, then decide a week later that they're absolute crap. I do tend to glom on to a bastardized sense of karma fairly frequently, and have done so recently.

I seem determined to believe that this giant disaster that I call my grad school career so far suffers from the same affliction as my family life and (non-existant) personal life: I should never have moved back to Minneapolis. This place had bad karma for me when I left it seven years ago; even after moving back from NYC, I had the sense to stay a healthy distance from home. Then, for some reason, it seemed like a good idea to move home for grad school.

I'd be the first to admit that I earned most of the crappy karma that I experience here. As I've frequently advertised, I'm not a particularly nice person, and I'm a lot nicer now than I was in high school. all fault for my recent disasters lies pretty clearly with me, at least on a personal level. The problematic, then, is that I have lost the desire to complain about real, shitty things that people (ok, A Person mostly, no one who reads this, most of you know the story, email me if you don't) have done to me because of this sense that the behavior is less a policy infraction and more a product of my own crappy karma.

Yes, I realize that if someone handed me this line of hooey I'd probably bust out the There is Such a Thing as Taking Too Much Responsibility for Your Life lecture. I can't quite get myself to believe it these days. But I did get my mom to say I didn't have to go to Family Christmas, so that's something. Maybe I'll leave the state for the holidays; might do my karma some good.


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