CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP
I have not posted much over the past two days. I was out of the house quite a bit, registering with a whorehouse temp agency so that I can pay for all the hookers and blow continue to eat and pay my bills whilst waiting for the end of the parade of rejection letters. The concept of temping is not repugnant to me; I actually have quite enjoyed my other stints. The process, however, makes me cringe. I spent three hours taking tests to see how good I am at things I know I'm good at, only to end the day with an interview that included "what would you recommend we say to best sell you to our clients?"
...
Yeah. I resisted temptation and did NOT in fact list the various sex acts at which I am pretty damn expert. But perhaps you can see how maybe the mental image was not a happy one.
So, between brain death from standardized testing, mind boggling from unwanted metaphors, and the uninvited guest in my basement, I've been a bit disfunctional.
What? I didn't mention our newest roommate? Jiminy Freakin' Cricket has moved into my basement. It is possible that JC is in fact someone's conscience, because HE IS FREAKIN' LOUD AND WILL NOT SHUT UP, NO, NEVER, NOT EVEN DURING THE DAY! I'm not sure how he got in here, but whoever ditched him seems to have a lot to answer him. I'm thinking of taking out an ad on craigslist: "One Conscience, free to whoever can find and catch him, PLEASE OH PLEASE I NEED TO SLEEP!"
...
Yeah. He's that loud. He's all the way across the house from where I sleep, and he's so loud that my closed door, the pillow jammed over my head, and NPR playing on the radio can't keep the persistant CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP out of my head. I wake up throughout the night to a slightly louder CHIRP, as if he's afraid I've stopped listening and must make sure he has my complete attention.
Yes. He does. And that's why I haven't posted for a few days. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go on my nightly, futile cricket hunt.
...
Yeah. I resisted temptation and did NOT in fact list the various sex acts at which I am pretty damn expert. But perhaps you can see how maybe the mental image was not a happy one.
So, between brain death from standardized testing, mind boggling from unwanted metaphors, and the uninvited guest in my basement, I've been a bit disfunctional.
What? I didn't mention our newest roommate? Jiminy Freakin' Cricket has moved into my basement. It is possible that JC is in fact someone's conscience, because HE IS FREAKIN' LOUD AND WILL NOT SHUT UP, NO, NEVER, NOT EVEN DURING THE DAY! I'm not sure how he got in here, but whoever ditched him seems to have a lot to answer him. I'm thinking of taking out an ad on craigslist: "One Conscience, free to whoever can find and catch him, PLEASE OH PLEASE I NEED TO SLEEP!"
...
Yeah. He's that loud. He's all the way across the house from where I sleep, and he's so loud that my closed door, the pillow jammed over my head, and NPR playing on the radio can't keep the persistant CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP out of my head. I wake up throughout the night to a slightly louder CHIRP, as if he's afraid I've stopped listening and must make sure he has my complete attention.
Yes. He does. And that's why I haven't posted for a few days. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go on my nightly, futile cricket hunt.
posted by Turtle at 12:12 AM
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