Tentative

I've gone off one of the meds in favor of a PRN supplement that does the same thing without the bullshit side effects (because really? even when you're single and not interested in sex with other people, having no sex drive bites. And that's your TMI for the day), and the result is kind of staggering. I feel better. I've always been prone to anxiety and panic, but they no longer seem to dominate my life -- except when I'm trying to finish up this fucking school stuff, because grad school and disordered brain chemistry have apparently formed an inexorable link in my mind. Even this is pretty cool, though, as it doesn't seem like the end of the world anymore. It's inconvenient that I have to have someone else type my words into the computer in order to write, and talk me through the mind-numbing panic I feel when I start to think that I'm too stupid to warrant putting my thoughts on paper, but it's not my whole life and it'll be over soon, like a tooth extraction or somesuch.

I feel, tentatively, like Me. And can I just say, I'm really weird? E and M can attest to this. I've been approaching perky of late, and it's just weird. The Geek Squad went to see Pirates this weekend, and I spent much of the night bent double with laughter. I called the waiter "sugar" (he started it... ok, the cornbread started it... ok, it's a long story).

Anyway, it feels darn good.