Sunday, July 27, 2003

I spent my morning in redneck heaven... hell... depends on your perspective, I guess.

Things I saw at the gun show:

1. guns.
2. knives.
3. swords.
4. a transsexual selling guns (oh, yes -- my uncle had to ask someone to verify this, and my dad kept referring to the "he/she." *facepalms*).
5. a sign reminding potential customers that "the difference between the men and the boys is in the price of their toys." Confused, I asked if that made me a man or a boy. My uncle informed me in all seriousness that I was neither. I figured that meant that I was also not a potential customer, and didn't buy anything from that vendor.
6. a knife handle emblazoned with uncle sam and the phrase, "to those who did this, we are coming for you" or some such. Yes that's right, you with the boxcutter: meet the US Army under the overpass at nine tonight. We'll tell the Sharks and the Jets to stay home.
7. a vendor telling his wife, "you get some money out of this guy this time, or I'm gonna beat you." OK, so he was ostensibly joking.
8. bumper stickers that made me have to leave the room, as I was laughing a bit too hard. They'll have to forgive me -- the only GWB quotes I'm used to seeing on on cars are along the lines of, "they misunderestimated me!"
9. numerous adverts for conceal and carry classes, along with signs next to guns that said "perfect for conceal and carry!" Hell, folks: anything small enough to stuff down your pants is perfect for some bad-ass to turn against you. And, hey boys, it just might fill up some of the empty space down there.
10. a dealer saying, of an automatic, "it's almost as accurate as an AK-47." Because when shooting 100 rounds per minute, it's all about the accuracy. Even more so when cycling 600-640 rounds/minute.

I haven't been to one of these things since early 2001 (yes, before September). I now remember why. I quite enjoy shooting at paper with my target pistol. Watching a bunch of soldier-of-fortune wanks drool over guns is not so enjoyable. And the sheer pervasiveness of tacky american flag regalia is blinding -- I nearly bought a 9/11 "kick-their-asses" style t-shirt for $5, just to see who would inquire first as to whether I'd sustained a massive head injury.


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