Had a good time today. Presentation went OK. I have taken to speaking in plant, as it best expresses my warped, ambiguous mood today. Going to bed now.

I am sad and full of woe.

Am preparing for presentation at 1:15 today, on paper that I wrote last term. Good times. And by that I mean, welcome to hell.

My lack of desire to do this is truly impressive. So instead, I give you the most vulgar bastardization of a children's song ever. Sadly, it's not of my making.

Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck,
Screw a kangaroo.
Finger bang and orangutan --
An orgy at the zoo.

Why yes, I am in a bad mood today. How'd you guess?

God Hates Shrimp

Tried to blog about this but cat fell asleep on keyboard -- little punctuation available due to cat head on lower rt corner of board -- why so much o and l in English --hard to reach around cat

And furthermore,

CJ was a Liberal Executioner in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

The 2004 Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association is taking place in San Francisco this year.

My mother used to live in SF, yet I have never been there.

The theme for the meeting is "Public Sociologies."

Guess who just joined the ASA?

Guess who's going, even though she's got nothing to present or even, you know, talk about?

Guess who has finally lost her last shred of sanity?

Yup, that'd be me.

One of the "special deals" offeren me through the amazon.com "gold box" thing today was Molecular Biology of the Cell. Not that, at a price lower than a hundred smackers, I would NEVER buy this (dorq that I am). Rather, why the hell would they be offering it? Is this a general interest item? Because it appeared right between a special DVD edition of "The Hulk" and some anonymous pop CD, so I'm left humming "one of these things just doesn't belong here."

In other news, there was WAY TOO MUCH HOT in my day. Seriously. First, hot Matt #2: very hot new haircut. Plus, hair was wet. As has previously been observed, Matt does wet very well. THEN! Tap was taught by substitute Hot Tap Guy. He was a bit with the overly masculine mumbling -- only one of the guys in my class showed up today, so he was facing a class of fit, tank-top wearing females... myself naturally excluded... moving on -- but was a far different kind of tapper, which made for Learning New Things. We kept a baseline going and took turns improving which was not so cool, as we have no skillz with the improv. But oh! His turn: holy feet, batman. Also, his music of choice was Prince. I asked after class which album, and he confirmed my suspicion that it was Musicology, which means I'll have to go drop more money this weekend as it was wonderful.

The HOT just about outweighed the SUCK of my Awful Class, wherein the professor told me (condescendingly) that because her research uses ETHNOGRAPHY, she is magically able to formulate and test hypotheses using the same dataset. This dataset? Twenty years old. SO MANY ISSUES, and she's implying that I know nothing about research methods? Bitch, please.

This moment of dorq brought to you by the many other things that I should be doing.

Women rock. Wish I could've been there.

I pity those who depend on TV for entertainment. I have a cat and a ladder.

Endless fun. We sat on the floor in the hallway for about forty-five minutes watching the cat chase his tail up and down a ladder. He made some hilarious recoveries while trying to turn circles on a three inch rung. Finally, we "helped" with the fun by putting toys at the top for him to stalk.

Says I, "It's like interactive TV!"

My flabber is completely gasted. Forrest came down today and we went to Midwest Mountaineering's spring expo. Naturally, we had to run into Drew. Fecking arsehole bastard. Me? I was civil, if cool, to him. Kelly L. showed up, and a giant group of us stood around talking and I was polite and not murderous. He and his poor fiancee had to leave, so he went around hugging everyone good-bye, including ME. Me? I was not so happy with this.

Why the fecking hell would you hug someone who is actively giving off an aura of "I'm tolerating you because I respect my friends, but you're not counted amongst them"? I'm not a touchy person to begin with, and you'd think that, given that the last time I had contact with the asshole he was actively spreading lies about me, he'd understand that he's not going to be one of the elite few. Forrest? Him I'm huggy with. Ryan? Touchy McToucherton. Big-headed jack-off bastard? Keep your fucking paws off me.

Grrr. This? Really not such a big deal. Except, of course, I don't like to be touched by people I don't like, and it was all I could do to reign in the urge toward physical violence, so now I've got the major adrenaline thingum going on.

Bother.

I have a very poorly kept secret. A great love, which is unrequited and utterly consuming. It causes me to do crazy, stupid, irrational things. Tonight, I find my love occupying my thoughts entirely, and I have been utterly, frustratingly unable to concentrate on any of the work I should be doing. These obsessive thoughts are driving me nuts.

OK. Confession time.

I can't believe I'm about to post this publicly.

I utterly and completely love the musical "Hair." Stage show, thanks, not the movie. Several of the songs have been stuck in my head for days. I can now listen to them whenever I want. It is intoxicating.

What? Did you think I was talking about something else?

My cat is a plushie. My mom just found him in the basement licking the crotch of a teddy bear.

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Go do this, then tell me about all the fun you're having. Because my Mac won't make it work:-(

ETA: I'm stoopid. Credit for the link goes to Maeven.

I think my ears are bleeding. For those at work/without sound, be glad it's a parody of "Baby Got Back" based on the third Harry Potter Movie. Complete with the "Something Wicked This Way Comes" mixed in.

Yes, I'm back. Presentation went far better than expected. Too much work. Longer update later.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
"May barbarians invade your personal
space!"
You are highly confrontational and possibly in a
bad mood. You would have sworn in this quiz,
if I had made it an option.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Apparently, Kansas City has more fountains than Rome.

TV is educational.

Hello from sunny Kansas city! Did you know that toilets are optional at Iowa rest stops? We stopped at one, and all it had was a parking lot next to a stand of trees.

I'm off to find adventure.

Ciao.

I am off to Kansas City today. Shall attempt to post if I can find 'net access. Otherwise, expect hilarity on monday.

Am dead from hot, smart man overload. Also, am posting from class. I'm quite evil today.

Dear obnoxious ex-friend,

My desire to read about your... ahem... personal problems, or the cutesey names you call your girl-parts, scores a -2000 on a scale of one to ten.

I don't care if it IS your web site. Buy some fucking class.

You clearly suck,
CJ

Made a "No Exit" reference in a casual email today. Because reaching the apex of Mount Pretentious Asshole is the goal of my life.

Back to outlining this fucking thing.

EDIT: Hehe... Jon and I are looking at PRAWN!!!

Lord of the Peeps

Click on "movie" on the left hand side. You know you want to.

1) Got new (to me) clothes today. They look smart, but I definitely don't look like my old size 8 self in them. Oh, well. At least they cover The Chunk.

2) The radio was endless amusement today. First it made me want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. Then it cracked my shit up with a way-back track from the junior high days. No, I am not down with OPP. Clearly, I am down with station flipping.

3) Went out to dinner with Chris. Had Thai. Was yum. Made the mistake of telling him that the women in Penny's class occasionally referred to Matt as "Hot Matt" or some variation thereof. He threatened to inform Hot Matt that his sociology classmates all had crushes on him. I reminded him that there's a difference between having a crush on someone and thinking they're yummy to look at. I did so without mentioning examples. I am a pillar of self-restraint. Damn, that could have been funny.

4) Forrest's visit last weekend was not as full of juicy Duluth gossip as it could have been. Still, I got some interesting bits about old acquaintances. (Hehe... I am cryptic and evil.)

5) [cryptic] The months of August and September of last year must have been very interesting for some people of my acquaintance, if gossip holds true. And to think I had a hand in it... [/cryptic]

6) Hi Ryan and Darren (and Kyle, too!). I hope you all are having a good holiday at home.

7) I'm off to write about the institutionalization of fear, uncertainty, and shame into the TA and instructor training process in higher education. Wish me luck.

EDIT: Saw one of the most distubing pieces of candy today. Really, I was perplexed: what is the appeal of chocolate crucifixes? I can dig the whole "Easter is about Jesus" thing that christians like to emphasize (it's also about spring and fertility and other lovely things, but surely the christians came first... right....), but we're talking about a chocolate version of the instrument that some people believe was used to kill the spawn of their maker. What, did he die from forcible chocolate ingestion? Death by glucose elevation? "Look, kids, you can rot your teeth with impunity and not even come close to the pain our lord felt!"

Really, I'll stick to my cadbury's and my heathen beliefs. Hoppy spring, all!

Harrius Potter et Philosophi Lapis

That's right. A translation of Harry Potter and the Phliosopher's Stone into Latin.

Really, no joke is necessary.

OMG, I HAVE TO SPEAK IN FRONT OF PEOPLE TWICE WITHING THE NEXT MONTH!!!!! I HAVE TERRIBLE STAGE FRIGHT AND DON'T YET KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY AND -- OH SHIT, I JUST REALISED THIS -- I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!!!!!

OK, who knows of good consignment stores in the Twin Cities area? I'm flat broke but need clothes that don't make me look like... well, like me. All of my even remotely professional clothes have taken to not fitting over The Chunk.

Help???

EDIT: Have soothed myself somewhat with an Eddie Izzard quiz.

Which Eddie Izzard line are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

EDIT the second: It is NO LONGER SOOTHING!!!! The above unavailable image should read "I'm from Europe, where the history comes from." A very funny line, indeed.

SCARY SINGING LINK.

And on that note, hoppy easter to those who celebrate it.

I play this game online, where you're a vampire and you click around drinking blood and it's pretty lame but a nice mindless waste of time. So, today I logged in expecting to find the normal greeting: your blood has been sucked by [list of other players]; [list of players] stole money from you. Because you don't leave the game when you close the screen.

Instead, I found myself wondering who had gothed up the internet today as I read a brief synopsis of what had happened since last I left: [other user] sucked your blood and you found yourself paralyzed, so mesmerized by the sensations you were feeling that you didn't notice that she wasn't even drinking, just spitting it into a wine goblet, until she left you dizzy and confused.

Or something like that. But yeah. Who spilled the goth on my internet?

My former roommate is on IMDb. No shit!

I need to submit a vita for a possible summer RA.

Never has it been more clear that I have done NOTHING with my life.

Fuck.

EDIT: Presently, the word "Jew" has been googlebombed so that typing it into google and hitting "I feel lucky" gets you a hate site.

Well, I've got two blogs that are google-able, and I know how to use them: Jew.

The link will take you to the wikipedia entry. Wikipidia rocks anyway: an open-content, participatory encyclopedia. Go, browse, contribute. Googlebombing happens when folks purposely post a link on many using the same word or phrase and the same destination site. Googlebomb against hate, I say!

So I was all set to come home tonight and rant about the bitch-face who teaches one of my classes. Then the dad comes to pick me up. Now, I've had a stressful few days. I had mondo trouble with the stoopid project for my historical sociology class (actually, not a stoopid assignment. I just couldn't get ahold of the right people, and ended up having to improvise. I don't improvise well.), had another eight-page paper due on Saturday, had a Forrest down from Duluth on Friday (fun stress, but still stress), and through it all my power adapter for the iBook decided to well and truly crap out on me.

So today I got up at four after staying up until midnight. I finished the damn paper, went to historical; finished the assignment for stoopid class, went to stoopid class (did all of this in 45 minutes); got annoyed in stoopid class, so decided that I was going to go to tap to work it out. Now, at no time today did I intend to go to all of my classes. I've felt ready to drop all day. Yet, I ended the day with tap, in a very crab-ass mood.

Then my dad showed up.

We were supposed to go out to the Apple store to see a guy about a cord, but dad had dog in the car, and she doesn't do the "alone in the car" thing so well. I asked if he remembered that we had to go, thinking this was going to be yet another irritation. He gets in the car, pulls out a bag, and hands me a new cord for the iBook. That's right. My father -- MY father -- figured I'd be at least as tired as he was, so he went out and picked it up before he came to get me.

And then.

He told me it was gratuit for helping him learn how to use his computer.

Yeah, can't really bitch too much about stoopid class. Maybe tomorrow I'll transcribe the handwritten rant I wrote to get me through. For right now, I'm a happy camper.

Good night!

*grumble*

Because what I so very much wanted was to accidentally stumble onto pictures of the ugly-ass girlfriend of someone I intensly dislike licking her own hairy armpit.

*washes eyeballs*

That's what happens when you're panicking over a paper and randoming clicking LJ links.

Must go find herbal tea and calm the fuck down.

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

See, and people tend not to believe me when I tell them that I'm a minor deity.

If shakespeare had a black cat.

This never gets old. On this pleasant 1st April, I give you my ideal April Fools celebration. I wish I'd been in that library:-)