Monday, February 28, 2005

I'm Hen-er-ry the Eighth I am...

Yesterdays funny conversation with the mom:

Mom: What are you doing?
CJ: Reading a comic book.
Mom: You don't read comic books.
CJ: *looks at cover of comic book* You're absolutly right. I don't.
Mom: *strangely alarmed* Where did you get that?
CJ: *very amused* At a bookstore.
Mom: When?
CJ: ...

My mother apparently didn't get the "I'm a dork" memo.

In other news, the Oscars were dead boring. The four high points were Morgan Freeman's speech, the guy who dedicated his oscar to his hospitalized mom and thanked her doctors, the Best Original Song winner for "Motorcycle Diaries" who sang part of the song as his acceptance speech, and Jamie Foxx winning Best Actor.

I'm off to visit my baby cousin in the hospital (OK, she's seventeen now; sue me for thinking she's grown up too fast). My family needs to get out of this hospital habit.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Wife Swap

The Advocate has some great behind the scenes stuff from the Wife Swap episode where a lesbian couple swaps with a fundie couple. Things that were not shown on the episode: the lesbian couple was also very involved in their Christian denomination, the fundie husband brought his lesbian wife-sub to church on Anti Gay Marriage Ammendment Sundayand signed a petition in front of her, and the fundie wife-sub was honestly afraid that the lesbian heathen was going to molest her little girl. Un fucking real.


Reasons I'm childless.

Part of me can't wait to adopt an older kid so that I can avoid the more invasive "mommy drive-bys" (are you going to breastfeed? you're not going to have an epidural, are you? why are you using a stroller instead of a sling? etc). Another part of me knows damn well it won't stop once they can talk. Yes, I have some very specific ideas about parenthood. If you ask me for advice, I'll even give it to you. And if you disregard it entirely, I will assume that you, like 99% of people in the world, have found your own way to be a "good enough" parent to your child.

[NB for those who don't want to follow links: Good Enough parenting relies on the logic that if parenting relied on such do-or-die perfection as many "experts" suggest, the damn species would have died out in pre-history. Just give 'em those first couple of levels on Maslow's pyramid, ant they'll come out OK.]

The other 1%? (NB all statistics herein completely made up, as looking up abuse and neglect stats depresses me. It's likely to be far less than 1%.) Fuck drive-by advice, I'm calling the cops on their asses.

Don't Panic!

Sleepy Time

Am going to bed. Had crazy amount of sleep last night, yet am still tired. I have a Robert coming to visit tomorrow. Whoopee!!!



Had a major "I carried a watermelon" moment today. If you get that joke, you're awesome. Alas, I will not elaborate, as the specifics are more painful than I care to relate.

Bed now. Before I fall asleep at the keybo...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Whee, crappy internet quizzes!

You scored as Anarchism.

















What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with

Jon, you've got to take this one just to see how piss poorly it's worded. One of the questions is "are you an ecologist?" which I'm pretty sure meant "do you give a rat's hiney about the environment?" but I had to say No anyway because I'm NOT an ecologist. I have no background in ecology. I look at trees and say, "hello, tree, you are a lovely and welcome sight" rather than, "oh, you poor thing, your taproot seems to have been degraded by H2OCO2 compounds from that chemical plant up the road." (Yes, I know exactly what not H2O and CO2 are, and that that compound is either physically impossible or unlikely to hurt trees. Or possibly both. I were a collige stoodent.)

Banning Books

For mentioning beer, playboy, and nakedity. No wonder our kids are growing up to think the first ammendment allows too much freedom.

Also, I am watching the most trainwreck-style repulsive episode of CSI ever. Now, they've done a lot of shows with various kinks (SMBD, swinging, furries), and largely made sure to paint them as freakish, but the male characters in this episode have reached an all-time low for showing unbridled disgust at others' sexuality. The topic? A conference for large single women.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Hmmm... Has anyone pointed out to the pope that homosexuals were also targeted by the Nazis? Oh, wait. There I go expecting ideological consistency from powerful white men again.

Also, this has to be the most famous appearance of Godwin's law ever.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Bush Bans Camilla

Monday, February 21, 2005

Some Things

1. Jesus Was Gother Than You.

2. Alan Keyes is a confirmed jackass.

3. "Gone With The Wind" is on TCM. I had an obsessive love for the book when I was in high school. I've never liked the movie as much, but it sure does look pretty. Except I missed the burning of Atlanta. Poo.

Malcolm X

Democracy Now! has posted/aired an interview with Malcolm's most recent biographer in honor of the 40th anniversary of his assassination. Go, listen, enjoy, think.

Saturday, February 19, 2005


Go here and click on tap shoe number 6 to see the pair I desperately want. SO COOL!

Knitting Adventure

Dear ELW,

Your kitty hat will have a rolled brim rather than a cuffed one. With the size of the yarn, I doubt this will make much of a difference. But the change was necessary after I made several discoveries this morning:

1) Chenille makes crap ribbing. It just. Does. Not. Stay "ribbed."

2) Chenille ribbing, in addition to not staying ribbed, apparently opposes all fiber arts principles and EXPANDS the circumference of the hat, rather than making it nice and snug.

3) Chenile gets grumpy when you rip it out and re-knit and/or crochet it too many times. I was in danger of having to buy a whole new skein. Best to go with the safest option.

But the hat is in progress, and I think it will even fit. You (or Mark) might be interested to know that the final number of stitches necessary was 42. The answer to everything.


Friday, February 18, 2005

Twilight Zone!

He totally doesn't age!


There are several problems with having an office hour on friday, not the least of which is it's fucking boring. No one is here. I was able to practice tap dancing in the office without fear of looking silly because there's nobody to see me. Worse, i was able to practice spotting turns. That's right. I was standing in the middle of the office whirling like a dervish.

Now I'm posting from my palm because the browser on this thing is broked, so all I can really do for the next half hour is test my ability to type on a 1x2 keyboard. Ho hum.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Dear People of Earth,

Why me? I understand that I have no social skills, and that I have made many stupid romantic decisions in life that have resulted in agony, hilarity, and possibly even hijinx. But was all of this really deserving of the creepy magnet that seems to have been implanted somewhere on my person? Sure, it was my own decision to dye my hair red. I happen to know that many perfectly adorable, un-creepy geeks appreciate this hair color, and the "smart chick" image that various pop-culture phenomena have attached to it. Why do I get the creepy ones? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE NOT TELLING ME?
With warmest regards,

Don't Panic!

Monday, February 14, 2005

Until the Violence Stops

Happy V-Day, yo. Ima spend it with my momma. And Rufus Wainwright on my iTunes. And "Two and a Half Men" on the TV. And CSI. And chocolate. Sounds like a lovely evening to me. Hope yours is just as good.


The Dragon's Lair has a loffly short story that will cause you giggles. Go there! Now!

Brilliant people abound!

One of them has created the iSnape (possibly only funny to Katherine) and the associated adverts.

Quite a hoot.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

More Grammys

1. Tribute to Janis rocks me. Joss Stone has an amazing voice, and I *heart* Melissa Etheridge.

2. Melissa Etheridge is totally my girlfriend. She rocked the no-hair look like the rock star she is. Love her. LOVE her.

3. Loretta Lynn is so cute. And feisty. And hilarious: "well, where are you going, Jack? Thank the people."

4. Dude, that's Slash. And Stevie. And, like, everyone. In the world. Did they really think about the lyrics, though? A bunch of pop stars endlessly repeating "nothing's gonna change my world" seems strangely appropriate to how they've been affected by the tsunamis. Ah. It changed to "something" at the end. Well. At lease they didn't re-do "We are the World."

5. Best. Moment. All. Night: Stevie Wonder "reading" the contents of the Best Song envelope. But WTF? John Meyer's "Daughters" is one of the most boring songs I've ever heard.

6. Norah Jones totally made me smile. Congrats, Ray!

7. Genius indeed! I need to get that album.


1. What. The. Fuck. Was Gwen wearing in that opening number? I think it was a pirate shirt, but... aren't you supposed to wear pants with that?

2. Is it bad that I prefer Sweet Home Alabama when Eminem is freestyling to it?

3. Kanye West is so my boyfriend.

More later.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Fucking Awesome

Geek Love Poem T-shirt

Funny thing? I was bitching to my mom about a guy who I think made a mangled attempt to ask me out today (don't ask -- no one with fewer social skills than me should be allowed; it defies laws of... something). Add this to the general masculine wackiness of the geek persuasion that happens everytime I dye the hair red again, and you have my respones to the whole disaster: "my red hair brings all the geek boys to the yard."

But seriously, if this poem turns up on monday? I quit.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Earth Horse

You know, most horoscope/personality inventory/etc. things are so vaguely written as to sound like they might sound something like me, at least in places. While still fairly vague, I am certainly not an Earth Horse. It's gotten to where my astonishment at "wow, that doesn't sound like me at all" is greater than that felt at "yeah, that kinda fits."


Arthur Miller died.

I am in shock. Why I Wrote the Crucible shaped my view of theater, it's political and humanitarian usefulness, and the zeitgeist of the fear-driven 1950s.

And that's the least of his legacy.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Questionable Content

Today's QC is so very awesome. Yet another comic with an adorable kitty of questionable intentions.


My least favorite kind of sick in the world is the throwing up kind. Thought you ought to know.

This rather seals my unofficial flu diagnosis, though, as I now have the whole collection of symptoms.


Bill sets´┐Żfine for low-riding pants - Feb 9, 2005

Dear Virginia,

First gay marriage and now this? Stop being in my country, you're making my country look ignant.


Tuesday, February 08, 2005


I woke up this morning with no voice. The funny part is that every time I try to talk I'm surprized to find that it doesn't work. I just open my mouth and nothing comes out. And it's not that my throat doesn't hurt -- it sure does. I've been having chills and sweats all day, aches in every conceivable part of my body, and my throat and ears feel like they're going to explode. Byt I'm still surprized to find that I can't talk. Because it's not like I'm sick or anything.

That seals it: I'm delusional, too.

Sunday, February 06, 2005


How do you procrastinate? I usually crochet, byt was given a challenge from the mom this weekend that had to be met: I taught myself to knit. Sure, I'd done the very basics before, and I've been reading knitting blogs and tuorials for about a year now, but crochet has always seemed good enough for me. But my mom challenged me to knit a poncho (of all things; I swore I'd never wear one), and I am not one to let a challenge go unmet. The poncho is very basic, two rectangles joined together with a hole in the middle, and is half completed. If it turns out, you'll get pictures. If not, I'll frog it and crochet the damn thing. The good news is that if I get the hang of this it will most likely solve the problem I've been having with ELW's kitty hat (I haven't forgotten, babe; the yarn is just not obeying).

In other news, the Twin Cities have a new public radio station. Recent playlist is here. I like that there's a lot of local stuff on there, but beyond that I'm uninspired due to my complete lack of hip. I'd be distraught if I could bring myself to care.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

I missed the SotU...

...because I was busy making candy. So someone, confirm or deny: did Shrub really put the First Shrub in charge of curing the woes of the inner city? Because I'm trying to imagine Laura Bush with street cred and it all ends up looking like one of those thug!Shrub parody vids that were all the rage prior to the election.

So, was the comedy intentional?

Thursday, February 03, 2005


I got through all of my tap class today. Granted, I have to wuss out on a lot of steps (heel drops rather than hops, etc.), but I'm making noise, dammit!

In other news, we have our first performance assignment due tomorrow for my theater class. My group rocks, and the class is very safe-feeling, so I'm excited to see what others have come up with, and to get feedback on our piece.

And I find it really cool that all of my classes this term involve work that isn't on paper.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Porn, Fair Trade, and Questionable Content

Ryan clued me in to this earlier this week, then I found a link from Dave Barry's Blog: apparently, monkeys like porn, too.

Jon was looking for fair trade vendors awhile ago, and who can resist fair trade sex toys? (Link is work safe, but the rest of the site... dude, it sells dildos. Should you really be shopping at work?)

Finally, for all one of you in the Boston area, Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content fame is polling to see if there's enough interest for him to do a talk at BU. If you know anyone who would be inclined to go, tell them to vote.

Now that the links are done, I can get on with the boring news of my life. Item the first: I have died the hair red again. If you notice a rapid upswing in drooling geekboys, I apologize. I didn't start the Willow/Scully/generic-smart-redhead fetish, I only capitalize on it. Item the second: I have misplaced the weight that I gained after starting grad school. If you find it, kindly DO NOT RETURN. I like weighing less than my father.

Nothing else to report. Off to do real work.