Saturday, January 31, 2004

MANties - Panties made just for men

I don't make this shit up, folks. (Link gacked from Dave Barry's Blog.)

I love Dan Savage.
"Girls aren't really that impressed by tux pants." -- me to Ryan, on his conception of date-wear.
Your Cloak is Black. The Darkness has consumed

What Color is your Vampire Cloak?
brought to you by Quizilla

d00d, there were only gold and silver choices for jewelry -- Enna wears teeth, dammit, TEETH! There were simply no choices for crazy vamps. And as if Enna would wear a cloak. It would get in the damn way!
You are Form 4, Gargoyle: The Fallen.

I'm a damn GARGOYLE?!?!?!

Yep. Pictures (also, stories) of robots getting it on.

Mommy, the internet scares me.

EDIT: Also, I wish I was cool enough to do this.

Friday, January 30, 2004

Yay! S. had her baby. Must seek out full details!
The wind has died down. We had a -41 degree windchill this morning. On the other hand, the lack of wind isn't too much of a relief seeing how the air temp is negative twenty-four!!!

I am never going to be warm again. Brrr.

Edit: This makes me giggly -- I forgot that the first Mac was introduced in 1984.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

You ever just know you shouldn't be reading something, because it will make you crazy? You ever read it anyway, because you feel that "horrible traffic accident" type pull?

Yeah. I'm getting too old for this.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004


OK, so I was making a total dweeb of myself, explaining to Maeven that I don't go by my whole name online (*elbows those who use it in comments*) because of a fucking psychotic ex. Next thing I know, I surf in to the PERFECT fuck you site, where I constructed the following letter:

Dear John,

By the time you read this, I'll be servicing your sister. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I know this might comes as a bit of a shock to you - especially because you're an emotional cripple. But I'm sorry �? I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're a psychopath, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a German Scat Aficionado, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat with your feet, and enjoy Aqua Velva, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is I Spit on Your Grave, and your favorite band is Jefferson Starship. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Round". Anyway, I want to date other people. But you know what? I still want to be dead to you. We can totally forget the other is alive . We had some good times, or so you told me . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no botched suicide attempts. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the you owe me, or the fact that you auctioned our love child. So take care of yourself - and choke on your own vomit.

Eat Shit,


P.S. I faked every orgasm.

If you harbor bitter and evil feelings about an ex, please click on the above link.

Maeven -- sorry I turned dweebish on you. I was caught by surprise, and turned into social anxiety girl. Also, in hopes of cheeering you up,

Let me know if I can do anything beyond putting silly pictures in my blog for you. :-)
The Traditional Values Coalition has a number of wanky polls available for you to fuck with. Go forth and vote.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Am on IM with two people. Maeven, who has the misfortune to share my luck in love and lust related issues, and Jon, who has a new kitty. The two conversations are quite the contrast. I take back that bit about not wanting friends. You folks (all of you) are utterly worth it.

EDIT: Jon posted the results of the NH republican primary here. Not a huge fan of Kerry, but this was amusing.

Monday, January 26, 2004


I would really like it if the world would stop conspiring to make me like people even less than I already do. I'm not kidding.

It's the little things. Like emailing me at the dot of noon to remind me that a reaction paper to four seemingly vastly different articles is due.

Dear professor,
Quit being an asshat. Jon's reading it to make sure no one laughs me out of class. I'm sorry if the fucking thing is two minutes late. Quick question: was it you who invented the magic machine that makes all clocks read the same fucking time?

Dot of noon. No shit.

Then there are the not so little things. Like the alleged friend who didn't find me worthy of a first-hand wedding invitation (I did get a message offering an invite if someone couldn't make it). Turns out, for the last year of our friendship I was "the former love interest," according to a mutual friend. So. We chilled for nearly two years, I told him things I told just about no one in the entire time I was in Duluth, and now I'm just "the former love interest" because I wouldn't fuck him?

Dear Asshat,
If you're really that fucking shallow, and your wife is really that insecure, let me tell you it was a joy not to have to waste a Saturday night watching sappy plebes fight for a fucking bouquet or garter and try their damndest to lay the nearest single wedding party member. I wish you joy in life. May it be lived out far away from me.

Seriously, this one fucked me up. I was seriously contemplating whether life would be better without friends to fuck me over. Is this a guy thing? Does the whole divided brainpower thing mean that you can only ever relate to another person in one way? You either impact the upper brain or the lower brain, never both and not interchangeable?

Cause here's the thing. Many of the guys I've stayed friends with the longest are former crushes, mostly because before I decided to exercise my mad skills at being rejected I saw them as friends. Friendship is my golden currency. If I got to know someone well enough and think highly enough of them that I was romantically interested, no simple lack of interest on their part is going to change the fact that I think they're worth being friends with. Apparently, I'm the only one who thinks this way.

So, yeah. Fucktards, Asshats, and annoyances, oh my! Who would like to step up and make me feel like shit next?

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

Ahem. In honor of this article, a riff on a familiar theme:

A ring to rule them all,
To make them all less horny,
Until the Lord destroys us all.
Dear God, This shit is corny.
I'm going to hell, and it's Chris's fault.

Was bored today. Mind numbingly bored. So bored I went back to sleep twice. So bored I emailed democratic party spam to Chris to see if he could decipher the truth behind it. I was just. Plain. Bored.

So was Chris.

We went to Evergreen, home of every imaginable fake meat. Had a two hour lunch, after which I decided that instead of going home to be BORED some more, I would go to open mic at Fifth Element with him (always the antithesis of BORED). There we ran into his undergrad friends.

After open mic, we went to a show at the entry. Where there is booze. Show was not very well hyped, crowd very small. Mr. Len bought shots.

I have not done a tequila shooter since fuckin' freshman year.

Here we get to Why I am Going to Hell. A., one of the undergrads, was in one of the intro courses I TAed for last year. She had never done a tequila shooter. She was sipping at it, at which point I told her "just down it. It tastes better if you only taste it once." At this point I realized: I'm so going to hell.

So yes. To hell in a fast car.

Also, I had a better time than I would have at any fucking wedding. :-P

EDIT: Also, there's a stamp on my hand that says "always wear clean undies." And "Milkshake" is fucking stuck in my head.

Friday, January 23, 2004

Bert has gone. In his place is a question mark. Has the threat level changed? Has the image host disappeared into the ether? Only the shadow knows...

EDIT: Bert is back! YAY!!!
US chief Iraq arms expert quits

Place your bets now on how long it takes the Bush administration to start an investigation of this guy.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

create your own visited country map
or check out these Google Hacks.

Yup. I counted the countries I've stopped over in. Sue me.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Just heard on the SOTU address:

"No one can now doubt the word of America."

Does this man live in the same reality that I do?

Monday, January 19, 2004

Traditional Values Coalition

The Christian right is at it again. Go vote.
Dear previously mentioned higher being,

Still not sure what I believe about you. But kitty is out of surgery and not dead. However, I will probably not be able to go on vacation this summer.

Has this chess match turned in my favor, or did you just have to sacrifice a few pawns in order to really screw me later? Inquiring minds are frankly confused and distraught.

Dear higher being to which I ascribe quite a lot of power,

I get that I am a bad, awful person who seriously fucked some shit up in a previous life. Yes, it makes sense that I should have all of this visited back on me: wrists that start not working, right when I'm finally feeling like I just might be smart enough for grad school; a disastrous dating life that goes out of its way to make it known that I will be alone and lonely for the rest of my undeserving life; sundry anxiety issues that make interacting with people hell on earth most days. Sure, why not? Whatever I did, I'm sure I deserve all of this. I'll take it.

But WHAT. THE. FUCK. Did my little baby kitten ever fucking do to you? I used to believe that you were a fairly benevolent, if karmic-ly aware, kind of being. Fuck that. The damn fucking Greeks had it right: you (plural? who cares?) are a malicious, spiteful, uncaring jackass.

And I can't take much more of this.

Racist, Homophobic, Misogynistic Right Attacks Margaret

I am appalled at the things that people can say to each other. I am appalled that Drudge would post something so unwisely excerpted, without giving his billions of readers adequate context.

I am surprised at... none of it.

Take no news source as gospel, friends, and try to think before you hit the send button. I know I'm inspired to be more thoughtful.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Some things:

1. Kitty is sick. He has been throwing up all day. There is nothing left in him, yet he is throwing up. I worry that this is due to surgery, though none of his sites is bothering him. I will still call the vet first thing tomorrow to see if he should go in.

2. I finished "Tithe." I had forgotten how cool it feels to read a book you've never read before, to get wrapped up in its world. I read the last few pages with near dread at returning to my own mundane life.

3. My lack of cool is palpable. Was mulling over the "go out dancing" options, only to discover that I know nothing about the club scene in the area. I've never been the most hip, but I got out while I was in Manhattan (and even had the clothes -- where, oh where, have my clothes gone?). Then I moved to Duluth. Duluth killed my cool, man. My choices were Grandma's (a sports bar with an unhealthy amount of techno on its playlists -- an atmospheric don't if I've ever seen one), Tap Room (yawn), or one of the skeazy bars in Sup-town (only good if you got trashed enough in Duluth ahead of time).

My cool, it is so dead.

My groove, it is not on. Bugger.

For now, That Is All.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

I am rather drunk, and hanging out with Kelly and Jake. we watched "postmodern prometheus," which proves that even after about five years, Kelly and I have a default setting of "X-Files" whilst drunk. That is all. Must go be drunk now. Happy wine night!

Friday, January 16, 2004

Spent my day in Duluth with Bill, after turning in the paper (finally!). Now that I'm back home, the "I could have said that better" blues have started, as they do any time I turn in something big. Oh, well. At least I had all day in Duluth before I went nuts.

We did a "back to undergrad" day, and puttered around Canal and downtown, then Fitgers, and finally the mall. I braved the snobs at Electric Fetus to buy local music, which makes me happy. Also finally found the book that I wanted and spent my B&N gift card on it.

Came home, checked things online (if I get one more damn piece of spam from the Democratic party I'll scream), and will now go read before passing out. I can't believe I have to go back to school on Tuesday. Hope the bookstore's open tomorrow...

Tuesday, January 13, 2004



This site contains pictures. Lots of them. All are work safe, so if you have free time and a fast connection at work, you may want to look at this there.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Do as I say, not as I do.

OK, so we go around the world, telling governments to shape up and protect the rights of citizens or else we'll do things that aren't pleasant. In theory, using the force for good. One of the things we (USA) are rather adamant about is the importance of due process. Yet, in our own country, this is a very limited right. If you are not actually from our country, you are not entitled to due process; you can be detained without access to a lawyer for as long as the US government wants to hold you. Meanwhile, the countries we're trying to convince of the goodness of human rights are thinking, "you don't treat our citizens according to your standards... why should we?"

I recognize that this is complicated in military matters. However, given our government's issues with matters of evidence, I think they should have to make a case to representatives of the public that there is a significant security risk involves in divulging names of "material witnesses" being held in Guantanamo, and in allowing them representation.

Let me be clear: this would have to be above and beyond manageable risk. I know there is a chance that allowing more people into the detention camps increases likelihood of collusion from within. However, we have managed this problem within our own correctional facilities for years. The camp is on a military base located on an island nation. The wall between Cuba and the base is already highly guarded. This is a highly defensible position, not one that is ripe for national security breaches.

We damage our relations with the world each time we put away our values because they're inconvenient. Vet the lawyers, if you have to. Strip search them at the airstrip. Step up perimeter security. Increase intelligence contacts with people whom detainees might try to communicate -- hell, you should have done that anyway. Do what you have to to deal with possible consequences, America. It's time to walk your talk.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

I've added a new comic link to the sidebar -- "Friendly Hostility" is by the creator of "Boy Meets Boy." BMB is done now, but I'm leaving the link because everyone should go check out the wacky goodness that it was. It also introduces the characters in FH.

I'm a GEEK!
The Low-Fidelity All-Star: he was born with the cool, and it's totally natural.  He runs the gamut from Hipster Supreme (only they can ingest as much coffee as he) to the geeky hipster%
You are the Low-Fidelity All-Star. You were born
with your cool, and it's totally natural. You
run the gamut from Hipster Supreme (only they
can ingest as much coffee as you) to the geeky
hipster (Mario Kart, anyone?).

What Kind of Hipster Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ha. They apparently left out the category marked "tragically unhip."

Saturday, January 10, 2004

"The FBI said there was no indication that the incident involving Flight 4959, operated by American Eagle and carrying 19 passengers and a crew of five, was terrorism-related."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but when an individual gives a note to a flight attendant that says "I have a bomb," this is an act of terrorism; possibly also hijacking, yes, but using terror to accomplish the task. Unless, of course, you're working with the informal American definition of the word "terrorism": Islam.

Look, ma, the FBI is actin' ignant!

Friday, January 09, 2004

You are 56% geek
You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you'll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you're a technical geek, you'll be able to afford it, too. If you're not a technical geek, you're geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don't date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You'll constantly try to out-geek the other.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at

Thursday, January 08, 2004

X-Files 2 Movie Campaign

I was a HUGE X-F dork. I admit it. On vacation this week, I was thrilled to have cable in the hotel room so that I could watch two episodes each night. I even managed to watch the entire Gethsemene/Redux/Redux II series -- that's some good mythology there!

These folks at the link above? These are the people I would have become if X-F had not sucked the genitals of various four-legged, hoofed mammals for the last two and a half seasons. Thank you, X-F, for saving me from the insanity.
A Geek Manifesto.

This guy rocks my socks.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Hello from Duluth! Am on the hotel's computer, and am having a fabulous time relaxing and generally being an oaf. Have called mom to ask about the cat twice today, but not at all yesterday, so I'm not THAT pathetic.. right.

Not much more to say except, be jealous -- we had a high of about -3 degrees Fahrenheit yesterday. Brrrr.

Friday, January 02, 2004

Take that, karma! My kitty is fine today -- still a little sore, but he let me get close enough to the paws to find he had ripped one of his claws down to the kitty equivalent of the quick. Revised estimate is that he was trying to claw his way up my bed the hard way (I have a stool on one side for him to climb up from), and slipped off, leaving claws behind.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

OK, seriously? Let the bad karma begin, man. I spent part of New Years eve fighting with Xtopher, and this morning my cat has a bad paw and is walking around three-footed and miserable, and blog*spot is down so that my blog gets re-routed to the blogger main page. 2004 is shaping up to hate me almost as badly as 2003 did.

Happy New Year.