Sunday, November 30, 2003

Clinton Releases List of Favorite Books

Max is on Slick Willy's list of favorites. Not surprising per say... just funny, as I forget that someone who lead such an abysmally stupid personal life is actually quite intelligent and well read.

Thus ends my performance in the role of "Pot."
Mom: You could make a salad.
Me: Every time I walk into the kitchen you say that. That's the only thing you say to me anymore.
Mom: I distinctly remember saying "I stepped on the puppy's tummy."
Me: *laughs and nearly chokes on pumpkin bread*
Mom: *looks bemused*
Me: *swollows* Mom, he is NOT a puppy.
Mom: Right. I guess I didn't say that.
Me: I have to go blog this.

Backstory: kitty was under-foot, mum stepped on him, then brought him down to sleep on me so that he would not become the latest victim of her deadly size sixes. Two hours of sleepy kitty later, I went upstairs for sustanence, and mummy dearest offered her favorits suggestion/veiled hint. The pumpkin bread was a largely innocent, bystanding baked good.

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Why yes, this link IS curtesy of Chris. Why do you ask?

Maybe because the video is the. Most. Disturbing. Thing. Ever.

My mother is upstairs reading off recipes for beef heart and brains to someone on the telephone.

*does the happy vegetarian dance of relief*

Friday, November 28, 2003

Boycott Stalls Planned Parenthood Clinic (scroll down).

Anti-choice fuckers. This shit is tantamount to blackmail.
Queen of Wands - Tuesday, February 4, 2003

*Splutter, gurgle, gaffaw* OMG. It's the comic I should have read BEFORE ren-fest this year!!!!!!

Thursday, November 27, 2003

You are Michel Foucault! You wrote groundbreaking
histories of prisons, hospitals, asylums, and
sex. Interestingly, you thought basically the
same thing about all of them. Your historical
accuracy is a bit dodgy, but that was never
really the point. You were very obsessed with
power roles - so obsessed that you frequented
gay S&M clubs, and died of AIDS in 1984.

What 20th Century Theorist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Apparently, I am a deceased bald man. Well shit, am I ever having identity issues today.
You are The UnNatural!!!
You are one mans obsession with baseball... you
hate alien bounty hunters and the KKK.

What Funny Episode of X-files are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

The Top 20 Bad Suspense Novel Metaphors or Similes

Number 1: "Unable to contain his rage, he burst like a pimple of emotion, the pus of his fury streaking the mirror of calm in the bathroom of his life."

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Woo hoo!
1. The doctor re-did the x-rays, and suspicious spots are gone from dog's liver!!!! (Though she still has an unidentified mass in her belly).
2. I FINALLY managed to get my school web-site set up.
3. Started potentially having some clue as to where my edu-ma-cation is going... accidentally, but there you go.

So, once again, my mouth has a mind of its own. I was completely hating school today, so in true reaction formation, instead of quitting like I really badly wanted to, I made an appointment with my advisor. Then, I went to talk to a prof re: what the hell I'm doing on a project. THEN, even though I've only been kicking around the idea, and have no clue as to whether or not I completely SUCK in this class, I asked if this paper isn't something I could work into a masters paper. Reaction formation, man; when you feel like dropping out of life, get busier.
Do you know your condoms?

I got an abysmal six out of ten right. How'd you do?

Monday, November 24, 2003

My craptastic day:
1. I woke up late owing to being up too late being a smart ass and chatting with Katherine.
2. My car wouldn't start and my mom had already left, so I had to call in to CLUES. Talk about making a great impression.
3. I realized that the paper for Ron's class that I THOUGHT was due tomorrow by noon was actually due today at noon. Got it done in four hours, whilst the next two disasters were happening.
4. My father phoned and told me that my dog is really sick and the vet can't figure out what's wrong. He came over to wait here because my house is closer to the vet. And yes, the last time I spoke to my father, we screamed at each other.
5. After dad got here, while I was STILL trying to finish the paper, my grandma called, asking when my mother was going to pick her up from the train depot, as she wanted to go home. I checked the caller ID: she was calling from her own room at the assisted facility. I told her this, but she didn't understand. I then spoke to one of the workers there, who kept her relatively calm while I called my mom and had her deal with it.
6. Sent off the paper at exactly noon. It is disjointed crap because I kept having to get up and deal with one crisis after another while writing it.
7. Waited. Waited. Waited. Vet called. She thinks that Molly has either liver or kidney problems. It could just be an infection, but there are spots on her liver that suggest lead poisoning, so realistically, she will probably die soon.
8. I tried to post this to my blog, but my computer won't connect to blogger or blogspot. Denny's computer in fucking KOREA will, but mine won't.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

The Brick Testament

That's right, the bible illustrated in legos. Go to "The Law" section. Disturbingly amusing.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Two true stories:

1. Was trying to fudge a quizilla "sort yourself into one of these stereotypes" quiz, for the sake of making y'all laugh. I had to abort my mission -- more than one question had no answers that I could make any sense of. I am utterly culturally illiterate.

2. Rufus Wainwright puts my cat to sleep. Hallelujah!

Especially this part: "The old "West Wing" was staffed with perceptive, engaged professionals, from the clerks to the opposition to the FBI agents. Now, everyone is bitter or selfish, and no one acts consistently or, really, with any discernible motivation except to set up the next confrontation."

Although, there may be hope. This past episode seemed like it might be trying to get back on track. Maybe they're listening to the reviews... nah, probably not.
Like, oh my god! Excuse me while this mall-worshipping-suburbanite bitch makes me gag.

Friday, November 21, 2003

Urgh. The best part about this week? It's over.

Cat is batshit crazy in the very best way.

Wrists are doing better.

I'm so stressed I keep forgetting or losing things.

Would someone please remind me as to why they let me into grad school again?

Must sleep.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Why I'm not a democrat.

Wesley Clark is SO not my boyfriend.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

President Defends Sanctity of Marriage

There are not enough curse words in English for me to hurl at this fuckwit. Here's my protest proposition: thousands of gay couples go get their licenses in MA, then on one pre-determined week-end they all congregate for the belated ceremonies -- in front of the White House. Bush will ph34r teh gay, and will call them terrorists, I'm sure, and for once we will have something entertaining to watch on prime time. Fucking asshat.
The small cat has two settings: Insane and Unconscious. There is no middle ground.
Quiz Me
CJ spins tunes as
DJ Lawless Kitty

Get your dj name @ Quiz Me

Yeah, no joke really necessary there...
Due to popular demand, if you want to see a picture of the furball, leave a comment and I'll email it to you.

Monday, November 17, 2003

The little ankle-biting freak tried to climb my leg -- on the INSIDE of my trousers. Ow. Except for the bloody welts, kitty is a lovely and amusing companion. But still, ow.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

You are water. You're not really organic; you're
neither acidic nor basic, yet you're an acid
and a base at the same time. You're strong
willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready
to flow. So while you often seem worthless,
without you, everything would just not work.
People should definitely drink more of you
every day.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Per the channel 4 Sunday morning weather: "It's the drizzle fo' shizzle."

I think my ears are bleeding.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

There is a kitten on me. Its name is Tom, though we're not sure if it's a girl or a boy yet. So, I suppose there could be gender identity issues if Tom is a girl... but as Tom is a cat and cannot speak, I'm thinking we won't hear about them.

Typing is even slower with both kitten and brace on the wrist. I am presently training dictation software, so I may be back soon...

Friday, November 14, 2003

HP fandom wackiness.

For Katherine, because the idea of fanfiction about the HP kids scared her... it's not fanfic, I promise... but it DOES scare me -- in a laughing so hard I choked kinda way.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Billionaire Soros takes on Bush

My Favorite quote: "'It's incredibly ironic that George Soros is trying to create a more open society by using an unregulated, under-the-radar-screen, shadowy, soft-money group to do it,' Republican National Committee spokeswoman Christine Iverson said."

Um, MoveOn is hardly under-the-radar OR shadowy. She's obviously forgetting her recent history: the name comes from the phrase "Censure and Move On," which popped up on BOTH sides of the aisle during the Clinton impeachment. The hundreds of thousands of people who signed MoveOn's petition made it the first onlind movement of its kind to succeed on such a large scale. Since then, MoveOn has been a prominent political force, which has received national media coverage. "Shadowy" and "under-the-radar"? Hard to do in front of the cameras.

So, I'd like to make a deal with the RNC: you give up the NRA, the masses of conservative religious orgs that support you, the anti-choice orgs, and the massive numbers of millionaire businessmen who fine ways of giving to your campaigns. In return, I'm sure the DNC would be willing to give up MoveOn and the comparatively poorly funded groups that support their candidates. Until we do this fantasy deal, though, let's not be sore losers when the other side uses our own dirty tactics.

Monday, November 10, 2003

Sociology of Online Journals' Journal

"I was a sociology minor in college." The seven words that frighten me most in the world.

Am braced and writing this two fingered. Dr. says no typing, driving, using door handles or knobs... actually Dr.'s exact words were don't use your hands. She was a fruitloop, but she had a valid point somewhere deep within her psychosis, so I will lay off typing as much as possible. Feel free to comment at will, as it will keep me amused.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

OK, the past couple of weeks have seen a constant stream of Catholic stuff advertised across the top of my blog. This must end. At the very least, they could give me back the LOVE SPELLS. Or even the TOILET PARTITIONS! ARE YOU LISTENING, GOOGLE???? NO MORE CATHOLIC STUFF!!!

In other news, I am nearly moved back into my basement. All I have to do is cart my personal effects from the guest room down there. The unfortunate side effect of this is that I got little school work done this weekend. I blame my mother. Every time she sees me typing on the computer she assumes free reign to nag me constantly until I am doing anything but sitting in front of the computer. This is getting really old, as I told her that I had six different things that needed typing this weekend. Instead I have a new bedroom. *sigh*

Not sure how much I'll be around until I get to the doctor about my wrists. They hurt pretty constantly now, and it's bad enough that I have a shit-load of typing to do for school. Knowing me, tho, I'm likely to keep blogging and IMing no matter what. At any rate, there'll always be the occasional stupid quiz.

My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

Once again, a giant WTF? No, really... WTF?
You are smart and sexy!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hell's librarian?!?! WTF?

At least there's a dragon in it.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

I got to hear about all of the times that my cousins got pulled over for DWB today.

First off, my little cousins just should NOT be old enough to drive. And some of them aren't. But B is 21 (I think -- might be 20) and K is 17 (just won homecoming queen, alongside her boyfriend, who was crowned king -- SO CUTE), and both have some scary-ass cop stories.

The most recent is K's. She was pulled over for driving HALF A BLOCK without lights on. Now, there's some context here. First, this is the girl who's so shy she barely talks at family gatherings. Second, this was her first day, and thus her first evening, driving a new car. Third, she was used to her mother's car, on which the lights automatically come on when the ignition is engaged. So, the cop informs her that her lights aren't on. K slaps her own forehead, and explains points two and three above. She is incredibly frightened at this point. The cop then asks to see her insurance information. The card is not yet in the car, as the car has only just been purchased. The cop goes off on K, writes ticket, gets her fat ass back in the patrol car and leaves.

My cousin decided to fight the ticket, probably rightfully -- most cops would have given a verbal, MAYBE a written warning for such a minor issue. After finally finding out HOW to do this (she had to pull strings with a connected friend of the family, as no one would tell her how to fight it and would only tell her just to pay it and not waste her time), she showed up in court to a huge surprise.

See, Jackass Cop had written "subject laughed the entire time and repeatedly banged head against window" on ONLY the copy of the ticket sent to the court. K got on the stand, explained that 1) nothing of the sort was charged on HER copy of the ticket and 2) she had been too scared to laugh and had merely slapped her forehead in embarrassment, rather than beating her head against the window. Here's where the story becomes unusual in a good way.

The PROSECUTOR (yep, the person who's supposed to prove she did it) asks, "is the car insured?"
K: "Yes."
P: "It was insured at the time?"
K: "Yes."
P: "Your honor, this ticket is a waste of the court's time."

The judge concurred, and bitched out the cop, who had actually appeared for the hearing. So this one ended more favorably than usual. But see, the thing that pisses me off the most is that it's far from the only story I heard today -- and it's the only remotely positive one. So, yeah, people look at me weird when I talk about not liking cops, as it would seem that a white female with no traffic stops on her record would have a neutral to favorable attitude toward our Gestapo in blue.

Frankly, you don't fuck with my family. K and B and B2 (who will be driving soon) may not have the same skin tone that I do, but B2 and I have our family's dimples, we all share the warped sense of humor, and we're all blessed in that all of the genes that we DON'T share made us taller than most of the relatives that we DO. I've watched these kids grow up. I babysat for them. I sat at the kids table a Christmas with them. I went on vacation with them. I got in trouble with them. I love them.

So, To Ms. Bad-ass Cop:
You would probably like me, feel some kind of white-woman-to-white-woman report with me. You would probably let me off with a verbal warning and a "congrats on the new wheels." Maybe you wouldn't even stop me, assuming that I'll turn on my lights in just a second, as I'm probably in a hurry to get home and have only driven half a block.

Here's the crux: you assume, because K's skin is a few shades darker than mine (and it's very few shades darker), that she has some more sinister motive at heart. She must be defying your authority, this person of darkness who clearly chooses to travel in stealth. And her polite smile must mean that she is laughing at you; you've heard that THEY think all cops are a joke anyway. And what WAS that crazy slapping thing anyway? You've never been so exasperated with yourself that you would get violent. Must make sure to make a secret note of this for the judge, in case the little dark girl comes up with a way to rationalize it on the way to the court house.

Attribution of motive is fun, isn't it? Never mind that it means doing your job poorly. Hell, why go through all of that sensitivity training, when this is so much easier?

Fuck you, jackass. Fuck all y'all jackass cops, 'cause there's few of you who don't end up using this same lazy, stereotyped, PREJUDICED thinking to avoid making responsible, time consuming decisions.

If made with the appropriate amount of care, discretionary decisions in policing can be incredibly hard to make, and can involve some damn scary situations. I used to have some empathy, having studied for a career in law enforcement at one point in time. Then, dear asshole, my cousins learned to drive. Now I have only mistrust and contempt. In closing,

Fuck you up the ass. With a Plunger.
Before and After

So is it just me, or did the zoomed out shot actually look BETTER before airbrushing?

Friday, November 07, 2003

Those Randy Russians

We'll sell you a mail-order bride, but don't expect to be able to smooch her when you come back to visit mama and papa.

Fucking hilarious. This takes Marxist geekitude to whole new levels. How did I come across this? Saw link, did double take, clicked link, laughed ass off, blogged. The end. The moral: it is impossible not to click a link with "cunnilingus" in the title.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

How To Make The NRA's Blacklist:

"Laugh at fear. First and foremost. The NRA really, really hates this, when you are not afraid of 'furriners' or gangbangers or drug dealers sneaking into your suburban home at any moment to molest your goldfish and hold a sari to your head and make you praise Vishnu."

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

On Ryan's suggestion:

Wilhelmina Murray
You are Wilhelmina Murray. Dating Dracula wasn't
the goth romance novel it promised to be, but
you survived and have the scars to prove it.
Next lesson: not all men are blood-sucking
scum. You're coming across as overly
defensive. Some post-trauma counselling could
help with the trust issues.

Which (original) LoEG Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

And Ryan's results:

Edward Hyde
You are Dr. Henry Jekyll. Or Mr. Edward Hyde if
things aren't going too smoothly. You might
consider stress management, or possibly a
larger cage, or join a football team to work
off your excess aggression.

Which (original) LoEG Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Now, dear, get your own damn blog, and post your own quizzies:-)

Monday, November 03, 2003


Hehe... from back in the geekiest of my geek heyday, the outtakes from "Memento Mori" (X-Files, season... erm... four, if memory serves). At one point in time, this was the center of my little 'shipper world. Point and laugh, folks, point and laugh.

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

Since when is Greek food exotic? Greek food is how you get Chris to procrastinate. Greek food is a vegetarian godsend. Exotic is eating at a restaurant with cloth napkins. Sheesh.
Gullible ceiling tiles. You looked up, yes?
Welcome to the fifth grade.

NOT. WORK. SAFE. DO NOT hit the link if you care what anyone near you thinks of you, or if you fear they may have no sense of humor, or if they might fire you. If the coast is clear, feel free to wonder, "what is the draw that causes us to click on links that say 'not work safe'?" That is, after all, how this ended up here... and may I just say, Mild Vanilla Scent? Gives whole new meaning to "vanilla sex."

Really, I must learn not to ask. Or click.
Un-FUCKING-impressed. Fucking spider in my fucking bed. If I wanted to sleep with bugs I'd live in the country, not in the fucking BURBS. Grrr.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

From the mixed-up files of

"CJ, you're looking for Rebound Romance

Relationships have their ups and downs, and you're just ready for something new to take your mind off of things and mix it up for a change. Maybe you had a bad breakup, maybe you're tired of family members asking when they should book the reception hall, or maybe you're just tired of dating the same kinds of people. Whatever the reason, you're excited to find something new �? someone who can offer you refreshing perspectives and will sweep you off to new adventures."

Dear emode,
If one of the possible outcomes for your ickle quizzie thing is going to be "rebound romance," you may want to consider including a question in your survey that inquires as to whether or not the subject has ANYTHING TO REBOUND FROM!!! I understand the "just for fun" nature of your vapid little surveys. However, any person, with or without advanced research design experience, would think something's fishy if you told them they were still on the rebound after SIX FUCKING YEARS! So, yeah, get right on that, 'K?
A boatload of "duh,"

Saturday, November 01, 2003

The West Wing Goes South

Word. To the last paragraph, especially.

This post especially for Denny, as I think he's the only other WWinger here.
Complete mind fuck. Also, most confusingly rendered statistical tables ever. Also, receives the "making taboo sex boring" award. Also, how the hell did I find this? The mysteries of the web are many and vast.
Way cool.

I have l33t 80's lyric nollige. But bad spelling, so once I corrected my typos, I got:

The mom just put the Annie soundtrack on the turntable. First thing on it? "It's the hard-knock life for us. It's the hard-knock life for us. Steada treated we get tricked. Steada kisses we get kicked." Guess today's not the day to get the song out of my head.

Other strange ways to start the day: mom and Len found one of the texts I was looking at when I made my Gender and Sexuality syllabus. It had the word "sexual" in the title. They pretended to be worried bout it. I told them not to get anything on it. They complained that there were no pictures. I'm too young to hear this.
This should not entertain me as much as it does. I guess that's what I get for being strangely obsessed with both vampires and squid.
The Turtle Home Drinking Game: brilliant plans devised over IM.

Denny: we should have a drinking game for you blog.
CJ: LOL how would that go?
Denny: When ever CJ rants. Take a drink.
Denny: Whenever Denny utters Roman or Empire, tke a drink.
Denny: Whenever Ryan is a moron, take a drink.
Denny: Whenever Ran is on topic and contributes to discussion, take three drinks.
Denny: ryan that is
CJ: the CJ rants one would need to be more specific, as that is pretty much the point of the thing
Denny: I figured, perhaps over 100 words in length.
CJ: how 'bout topical? are there themes?
Denny: Politics, the Fundamentalist right, CJ's neuroses
CJ: given my dating success, "CJ writes about a date" should be the drain-the-glass category
Denny: yeah. YOu should post a list of these, if they make work out.
Denny: Oh I got another one.
CJ: I'll blog this part of the convo
Denny: Whenever one of the Peanut Gallery is quoted in a main post, take a drink.
Denny: I started typing that before you sent that last message
CJ: hehe... still have to drink (twist your arm, right?)
Denny: have had too much, maybe later.
Denny: am hung over.

All of this devised as I was trying to get my halloween makeup to behave (yep, I'm a geek: I disconnected all cords for the computer and brought it into the bathroom so that I could chat while I was getting ready). The conversation continues:

CJ: OK. Have conqured eyeliner... as best as I'm going to, anyway....
Denny: heh heh. Picture Picture!
CJ: have also resurrected black velvet dress and long cape from HS, and FIT into dress.
CJ: I will send after tonight
Denny: ok
CJ: no one around to take one right now.
Denny: mirror trick
Denny: hee hee
CJ: grrr. will SMITE the evil eyeliner. *smites*
Denny: Am going to watch BAnd of Brher in about 30, just letting you know
CJ: ok. I'm supposed to be out the door now, but will be fashionably late, thanks to FUCKING EYELINER
Denny: LOL
CJ: hehe.. yeah, ok, it is kinda funny.
Denny: that should have been
CJ: huh?
Denny: I should have politely laughed, rather than out loud
CJ: OK... doesn't matter to me, as I am too busy smiting eyeliner to be offended
Denny: hee hee
CJ: woe! angst! pain! I forgot to paint my nails black!!!!!
Denny: HA
Denny: you should post this whole conversation, it's comic gold
Denny: or not
CJ: my costume is inauthentic!!! I CAN'T GO!!!
Denny: just do it now
CJ: can't, would get messed up as I have to leave soon.
Denny: ah
CJ: am not too disappointed... just getting into angst-filled character
CJ: true... OK, I look appropriately dead: black lips and eyes, paled skin; I have a studded collar (teh sex-ay); black velvet dress; hair dyed dark purple (because I just couldn't do black); high-lace docs; fishnets; I think I'm ready
Denny: picture, you promised.
CJ: I'll get one!
Denny: okay, have fun

Much fun was, in fact, had; I also have plenty of pictures, both of me and of various partygoers in Maureen's blond Stevie Nicks wig. Sam started it when she suggested we find a way to get the wig on to Chris's head once he got to the party. After we got that picture, he went around putting it on other folks, so we have pictures of just about everyone with the $7 blond wig on their heads. Freakin' hilarious. I'm knackered. Bed now.