The small cat who lives with me is taking a nap on my chest as I write this, waking intermittently to paw at my glasses until they come off, then chew on the arms. I'd be really ticked if it wasn't so darn cute.

You are Statler or Waldorf.
You have a high opinion of yourself, as do others.
But only because you are in the balcony seats.

ALSO KNOWN AS:
Those two old guys in the box.
SPECIAL TALENTS:
Heckling, complaining, being cantankerous

QUOTE:
"Get off the stage, you bum!"

LAST BOOKS READ:
"The Art of Insult" and "How To
Insult Art"

NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT:
Their pacemakers.


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Why, yes. I cheated. These guys are the best!

The Racist Tapestry of Lord of the Rings�!

Yeah. Right. First, the headline with the exclamation point? Definitely screams "take me seriously."

My favorite part:
"Can you imagine how people of skin color, of Persian, Arab and East Asian ethnic background feel when they come out of these films where all the heroes are white and all the "evil doers" are of dark skin."

As they are not of Hobbit, Dwarf, or Elf heritage, I think they'll probably say, "look! An entirely different world from the one I live in! This must be why they call it fantasy."

Also? The second biggest baddy (you know, other than the one who was a GIANT EYE) was called Saruman the WHITE, and certainly looked it. And Sauron's army? The trolls looked a bit greenish-grey to me, and the commander of the army (Uruk-Hai, I think -- Ryan?) looked like a very pale, bloated cadaver. And the Nazgul? No faces.

Connecting LoTR to "Rap/hip-hop culture" was also... really fucking random. Counterbalancing effect? What the shit does that mean? Your artificial dichotomy befuddles me, dude. Some opposites: large -- small; short -- tall; hot -- cold. Explain to me in 1000 words or less how "Tolkien -- Hip-hop" fits in there.

I think the main problem I have anytime this comes up regarding a fantasy world is that there are plenty of "realist" films in which darker skined people and women are tokens, but they tend to not have overt portrayals of good and evil, so we don't rant as much about it. Problem is, racism is more likely to look like this these days -- unstated, invisable stereotypes rather than outright "black people are evil" statements.

I tend to be pretty concerned with racial issues. This doesn't concern me. What concerns me is that there is HUGE discrepancy in realist films' representations of racial composition in modern life. Let's worry about that, and leave the denizens of Middle Earth to their own fictitious problems. Using a hyped up "controversy" surrounding a fantasy world seems to water down an important issue of media representation.

Edit, because this just keeps bugging me:
I think my snark at the author of this article had the unfortunate side effect of bringing my response down to his level of analysis. On further consideration, his arguments are still more problematic for me because they don't really look at the films (or books) themselves -- they only really consider the casting, perhaps touching on artistic choices, though in a completely decontextualized way. The overall theme of the story for me has been very basic: power currupts, and absolute power currupts absolutely. Throughout the films we see members of the Fellowship (the "good guys") battle with themselves to resist the power of the Ring -- the temptation of absolute power. They fight it off, for the most part, though we see in Gollum what would have become of the hobbits if they had not, in Saruman what might have become of Gandolf.

The story never seemed to be about evil people, or evil peoples, but rather about how choice affects who we are, and about how choosing against rational self-interest is necessary for peaceful co-existance. (Why, yes, I am a peace-nik.) The article above seems to completely ignore the content of the movie in order to critique the visuals, and ignores inconvenient visuals that argues against the author's thesis.

And frankly, I always thought the Uruk-Hai more closely resembled the celtic warriors depicted in "Robin Hood" than any Native American tribe...

Fucking hilarious.

Best. Santa. Ever.

BTW, I know I got some folks hooked on QoW -- the site that's linked from my blog is down, but this LJ is where Aeire posts when that happens.

You are Igraine, the mother of King Arthur. You go
with the flow, never putting yourself before
others. Igraine lived by her duty whether it
was to her crown, her husband, or her country.


Which Lady of Camelot Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's been a mixed bag, this holiday that I don't really celebrate.

In my huge, extended family, I am one of the oldest of my generation of cousins. The youngest of us is a sophomore in high school, and during family gatherings we tend to glomp together in one place, preferably one farthest away from the youngest generation, whose parents don't believe in discipline because it "stifles creativity." These children are BAD. When one of his aunts explained to little T. that she had been ill for the past week, he replied, "so? You didn't get it from me." This from a seven year old.

However, the worst behaved in terms of malicious ignorance is my uncle M., the father of two of the brats. Today, he approached one of my cousins (K., second youngest, senior in high school). He then proceeded to ask her what kinds of drugs she did at her prom. Yes, the question was posed earnestly. See, if you're my uncle, then you are infinitely wise and understand that black kids at inner-city schools do drugs (why, yes, that's sarcasm dripping off that sentence). My cousin is African-American (you could say "half" in front of that, but as percentages are almost always mixed and prejudice doesn't really care how many white relatives you have, this'll do for the sake of the story). She also attends an inner-city school. However, she is also a brilliant student, was just elected homecoming queen, and self-reports that she "doesn't do that stuff." But, you know, it's not like any of this, not to mention the fact that she's FAMILY, should overcome M.'s prejudiced worldview.

Later, M. sat between K. and my aunt's boyfriend G.. He then announces to the room, "I feel like an oreo." I know he didn't use the offensive term correctly, but what on earth would cause him to want to? Last I checked, we tried to shield our family from the general badness of the world. I don't know why I'm writing all of this, except that it's been the first time that the more ignorant of my family actually brought their issues into the family, and it hurts. The rest of the family is not idiotic. In fact, I generally love the way my family comes together when someone does something like this. K. just recently got an obviously "DWB" ticket, and hell, even ex-members of the family pulled strings to help out -- the judge not only threw out the ticket, but reamed out the cop in the courtroom. Today? I felt like we had a traitor amongst us. This shit is supposed to come from outside, man.

Not impressed, family. Not impressed.

The Pope has condemned terrorism. That's bound to make it stop.

*eye roll*

Have just crocheted a banana.

It REALLY doesn't look like a banana...

Oh, yeah. Permanently stuck in the fifth grade.

For the love of god, WOULD THE ASSHATS OF THE WORLD PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME!!!!!!!!!

This is the point at which CJ hates the world. Feel free to pass on by.

First, the departmental blackmail that ate my finals week and caused me to take the incomplete that I didn't want. Fucking fucktard.

Next, the uncle who openly encouraged his son's bullying, then goes on to act like a bigoted moron. Yes, uncle name-withheld, I went to high school with black people. Surprisingly (to you), they did not shoot me. Or each other. Nor did my school fear this would be the case: even now, almost seven years past my graduation, they have not seen fit to institute metal detectors, though many of the pasty-faced suburban schools around here have.

Finally, my father. Daddy Dear. The one who says he wants me to do him a FAVOR this weekend (funny how he tends to view favors as obligations). I said, "call me closer to the weekend, so that I can tell you what my schedule looks like." Yesterday: no dad. This morning: no dad. This afternoon I come home to a fucking passive-aggressive bullshit phone message: "I guess I'll have to wait ANOTHER month to get the help I need." I call him back, tell him that was inappropriate, tell him I'm free now. He then SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE FOOT and says he's too tired now. Jackass: you are NOT hurting me when you do this. If you're being an ass, I don't WANT to see you. After that message it's a fucking miracle I offered.

I did the first of my holiday shopping today, and bought a travel book and map for myself. My favorite cousin is going to England in a week, so I helped her pick out a book as well. I am now going to take a bath and plan my summer, and forget that I'm stuck here for another five months before I can tell assorted asshats to fuck off for a month -- or more.

EDIT: Oh, web denizens, why must you join in the asshatery? All I want is an mp3 of my favorite irritated!me song ever. But NO! You fail to realize that Salt 'n Pepa have released more than five songs. Yes, I'm a child of the eighties. This does not negate the profound stress relieving effects of "Somebody's Gettin on my Nerves." Yet, I own only half of the song, on a battered old mix tape. My stress, it is not relieved. Oh friends, do not let me suffer. Surely, there are enough people who are as uncool as me that, between all of us, we can come up with my song. For the alternative option is for me to brave the x-mas shoppers and venture into a music store. And no one wants to see the post that results from that.

Whose poopy kitty just went running across her bed at 2:45 in the morning, trailing smelliness across ALL OF HER BEDCLOTHES?!?!?!?! Oh, yes, there's nothing like a three AM cat bath to start your day. Thankfully, I have the chair from god on which to sleep until my linens are washed.

YUCK.

Dear Barbara Walters,

My cell phone is a convenience. The new rule that would let me keep my number if I change mobile providers? Also a convenience. My cell phone number is not "as important to [me] as [my] name." I reiterate: it is a convenience. If this new rule is so fricking important that almost a month after its inception you're still doing news magazine segments on it, I suggest that you go on your TV show and remind the American public that this wonderful technology and the convenience it provide are not DIVINE RIGHTS. If this new portability rule keeps someone's business from losing money -- you guessed it. Old friends can still find each other? Once again, the big C.

I resent that you would go on your TV show and tell me that I identify myself by my fucking PHONE NUMBER because you couldn't find anything else to report about this week. Keep your skewed sense of entitlement to yourself, and find one of the millions of worthy-yet-unreported stories that slip past the media each year to report on. Cause this thing? So last month.

CJ

Some things:

1. That person you saw walking across campus muttering "it's never gonna happen?" Yeah, that was me. I suddenly realized today that my internal monologue was not so internal today.

2. That person who went to bed last night thinking "work's done -- I can sleep in tomorrow!" only to find herself wide awake at five a.m., kitten fangs embedded in her face? That was me.

3. That person who, though this is the final week of the term, has not learned to keep her mouth shut in seminar because the prof is not REALLY looking for your constructive ideas about the paper that's been rejected multiple times? Alas, I think you know who the culprit is.

4. That person who doesn't have to show up to another class for four weeks? ME!

Term is over, though not all of the work is done. This weekend belongs to correcting papers, the holidays to finishing my own paper, the weeks after that to finally finishing last spring's paper. Thrilling, I'm sure. But tonight -- glorious nothing. I'm going to turn off the brain and relax. No alcohol will be involved, sadly, but all the same it should be grand.

Will these stupid people ever shut their mouths? The American Life League is once again trying to call the morning-after pill an abortificant. The problem: any doctor will tell you that Plan B will NOT terminate an already implanted pregnancy. That's right, it will only prevent pregnancy if it has not already occurred. This is why they say that the earlier you take it, the more likely it is to work.

The claim that Plan B "takes the life of a newly conceived baby" is ridiculous, even by the standards of the most radical pro-life rhetoric. I've been in some heated discussions about what exactly constitutes a life, some of which illustrated just how grey much of the area of debate is. Never have I heard as-yet-unjoined gametes referred to as a life. A few folk have argued the "every sperm is sacred" line of thinking, but never has preventing fertilization been phrased as murder. Sinful, maybe, but not murderous.

So, the moral of the story is this: clearly, I need to stay away from people who paid no attention in biology class. This is not good for the blood pressure.

The Dialectizer

Almost as cool as the pornolizer. With multiple dialects. This one is "redneck."

The Wright Brothers' first flight was a year ago today.

I *heart* airplanes.

So, I was cruising the web for... well, mostly stress relief, when I found a LiveJournal post about a punk cover of "Phantom of the Opera" (mp3 linked from post).

So, I'm a theater geek, and I'm all, OMGWTFLOL this is so kewl. This becomes proof that I am COMPLETELY IGNORANT of the world around me when I find out who the cover is by. You see, roughly FIVE MILLION of my friends (hi Mel!) listen to Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. They have a whole ALBUM of showtune covers. There is no musical form so deserving of a punk cover than the showtune.

My ignorance leaves me abashed. My wet noodle awaits. Thirty lashes, methinks.

Various dorkery:

I was watching "Threat Matrix" for no discernible reason this evening, and the case they're looking at involved a biotoxin being spread via money. My ears perk up: Pine Bluff Variant, anyone?

Next thing I know, there's a throw-away line about this being similar to an old "x-file." This is enough to make me get the computer and dork around for info on the web. Sure enough, John Shiban, a former "X-Files" producer/writer, who co-wrote Pine Bluff, is one of the producers of "Threat Matrix."

And I am a dork.

Can't really say what's going on, but hugs would be appreciated. Also, if you happen to believe in a diety, pray for my academic future.

For Ryan:

Dude, would someone tell the news morons that capturing Saddam does not justify the whole war? Bush has still fucked foreign relations and foreign policy in some distinctly uncomfortable orifices. Also, still no WMD.

In fact, if this were a US police matter, all evidence would be inadmissible because we didn't follow proper channels to get a "warrant" to go in looking. So, yeah, Saddam's done hideous things and I'm glad that he won't be doing them any more, but the US is hardly the good guy here. We flaunted international law to go to war, but now we're expecting an international tribunal to try Saddam?

I'm sorry, Mr. Bush, but is this the same international law that you refuse to submit yourself to? You have weakened the legitimacy of the institution that you hope will now make you look like the world's savior. And the truly fucked-up thing is that it'll work. I love my country, but its leaders just keep proving to me that "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Congratulations on winning the election.

Which Evil Villain Bad Habit are you?

Hehe... I am Krycek... ah, the good old days.

Katherine and I are procrastinating the writing of our methods papers:


CJ: what did you ddecide on for your lit review?

Katherine: monkeys!

Or, um, I found this article about different forms of stratificaion by Shapiro that will be good, and I may draw in some Marx, too.

CJ: MONKEYS! I vote for MONKEYS!!!

Katherine: Sure, I can write about stratification in the monkey culture. I'm okay with that.

CJ: LOL excellent. sociology of monkeys: getting back to our roots

Katherine: Hehe, sounds better than the food shelf to me! I bet I could write more convincingly about it, too.

CJ: as I enter the pen, Bobo looks up, apparently startled by the clanging of the gate -- his eyes go wide and his shoulders tense. seeing my Zoo uniform, he approaches slowly, one branch at a time, from the third tree on the right. Jojo then turns from the rope swing, sees Bobo approaching me, and quickly walks over to me, looking up at me with lips pursed and eyes wide. His front leg gropes the outside of my pocket, finding the banana in it through the fabrick of my jacket.

Katherine: Okay, if you replaced key words in that, and it wasn't monkeys, it could be porn.

CJ: HAHAHAHAHA, can't stop laughing

CJ: porn, fieldnotes... the good times are when you can't tell the difference

Katherine: Hahaha! Yes. When porn and fieldnotes sound the same, you are the best ethnographer ever.

CJ: also, you have the best fieldsite ever

Katherine: Hehe, yes. Though that may only be achieved with primates.

CJ: I don't know, have we checked out Kinsey?

Katherine: Heh, not yet!

CJ: ooo... a niche!

Katherine: It will be ours!

CJ: Sexnographers, us


Sociologists are kind of twisted.

What comes to mind when you hear..
..snow?:	crap
..rain?:	dancing
..tornado?:	Dorothy
..summer love?:	Happens so fast...
..Jon?:	fifth grade!!!
..Mike?:	big
..Shea?:	butter
..banana?:	cream pie
..dizzy?:	I am not!!!
..Laura?:	Croft
..Juan?:	Juanita
..car?:	stuck
..white?:	pine
..peppermint?:	schnappes
..New Found Glory?:	huh?
..placebo?:	obecalp
..orange juice?:	vodka
..candid camera?:	stoopid
..sister?:	Kelly
..brother?:	Jason
..hate?:	school
..school?:	fucking morons
..President?:	jackass
..football?:	Beckham
..rap?:	Wesley Clark
..pop?:	Oops, I did it again...
..rock?:	Jon
..punk?:	Xtopher
..sex?:	yeah, right
..death?:	go away
..baby?:	Abby
..duuude?:	Strang things are afoot...
..the end?:	of the world as we know it

The Survey Where You Say The First Word That Comes To Mind. Yay. brought to you by BZOINK!

Hehe...

OK, it doesn't look particularly pretty, but HUG ME!!!!!!





*HUGS* TOTAL!
give xturtle more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! CAT FELL IN BATHTUB!!!!!!

Woo hoo! Get your war on has updated.

You are a Theory Slut. The true elite of the
postmodernists, you collect avant-garde
Indonesian hiphop compilations and eat journal
articles for breakfast. You positively live
for theory. It really doesn't matter what
kind, as long as the words are big and the
paragraph breaks few and far between.


What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm not quite sure what I did wrong...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Too fucking funny.

And why the hell am I still up?

My kitty just walked up under my arm (I was lying in bed with one arm behind my head), stepped up onto my shoulder with his front paws, then tipped right over into my armpit, asleep. Hilarious. I have a narcoleptic cat.

Dear thirteen-year-old female internet users,
Why must you spam my classmates.com class with fake entries for Josh Fartnett? And why, if you were going to do such a thing, would you not look up how to spell his name and exactly what years he attended? You had to get on the web to perpetrate your devious and ever-so-original plan; you could have taken the ten seconds to run a google search and find out the correct data. Assuming, of course, that no one will know you're not the REAL Josh. Sneaky you. You and TWO PAGES WORTH of your fellow Hart-Minions.
Royally cheesed off at this complete waste of my time,
CJ

In other news, I have the best mother ever.

It has come to my attention that an anonymous individual believes that I am some kind of psychotic extremist bitch who is doomed never to marry, as she will scare off any interested man who comes her way with her fear-inspiring backbone of d00m. Allow me some clarification:

1) The fact that I do not wish to marry does not equate to an inability to find someone who will "put up with me."

2) I have had, in my lifetime, two people to whom I could have been married. One of them I was engaged to. They were not "scared off" once they got to know me.

3) You, Anonymous, are a fucktard. Thank you for being honest about your feelings and making sure that most basic of fears -- unlovability -- was reinforced in me. Because six years of utter FAILURE in romance hadn't done that already. And THAT, my dear, was SARCASM.

To close, when intellectual masturbation results in shit that hurts me, I get mean. See ya never, Jackass. And as a parting gift,

Fire and Ice Survey

Is anyone surprised?

Boy, 7, Scolded For Saying 'Gay'

Political correctness run amok? Sounds like a case of "punish first, get the whole story later" to me.

Because I found it on Katherine's blog and had never done one of these thingys. Answer in comments if you feel like it.


1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married ?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your live journal and see what I say about you?

TheSpark.com's Slut Test!



And just for the record, the #2 person that insane on-line women listed as "Most handsome man ever" was JOSH FUCKING HARTNETT!!!!!!

The fistfucking Home of a Turtle

My pornolized blog. Brought to you by: The Pornolizer.

Link curtesy of Katherine.

"We're having the neighbors for dinner." Parents, watch what you say.

Also, is this a bit like breeding the cow that wants to be eaten? I am SO glad I'm a vegetarian.

RollingStone Top 500 Albums

The ones I own:

16. Blood on the Tracks, Bob Dylan
20. Thriller, Michael Jackson
62. Achtung Baby, U2
85. Born in the U.S.A., Bruce Springsteen
193. Dookie, Green Day
202. Bad, Michael Jackson
278. The Immaculate Collection, Madonna
341. Play, Moby
472. Hysteria, Def Leppard
480. Faith, George Michael
494. She's So Unusual, Cyndi Lauper

I refrained from noting those that I own the songs I LIKE from... I love having friends who make mix tapes/CDs.

you are turquoise #40E0D0

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well. Your saturation level is higher than average - You know what you want, but sometimes know not to tell everyone. You value accomplishments and know you can get the job done, so don't be afraid to run out and make things happen. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Jon = evil.

He has a Josh Fartnett user pic on IM.

Grrr.

Sanctions Against Iraq